Have you ever heard of someone being in a ‘real state’?
Typically this means that their state of mind has become distressed or confused and this has spread to their emotions and actions.
We often use the phrase but don’t understand the full underlying mentality that creates it. The reason is that the vast majority of us never get that far down the mental road to arrive there. Sure we have the odd upset, but we never become so worked up that it spills intensely over.
But, there IS one mental state that millions of us around the world experience every single day that is equally dramatic. The trouble is it’s less an outburst that requires immediate attention. It’s more of a lurking influence in the background that takes over our life.
That state is one of negative expectancy.
And it is one I know well.
The wrong ‘what happens next’.
Our minds are our security system.
Not only do they think, remember, direct, and hold information for us. They also act as our defence mechanism. A mechanism that can become over alerted and predicting threats if life puts stresses on it. Pressures that lead us to expecting negative events to happen.
Prolonged periods of challenges can tip our mental state from balanced to increasingly pessimistic.
A pessimism that sets in and determines our outlook.
One that I never realised I had developed until a recent trip to St Louis in America.
My last decade has seen challenging home and work circumstances, financial demands, and health scenarios that led me to being less than an hour from potential death. Rather than looking on the bright side, my mind read this as a growing sense of danger.
It began to live in a state of negative expectancy though I put down my feeling listless, unenthusiastic, edgy, and frustrated to a heavy schedule.
A trip to the USA would sort that to see family. All went smoothly, very smoothly, until the second day of my break. Out of the blue being treated to a fabulous meal in a plush restaurant, I felt nausea, a bit dizzy, and very hot. In short, a panic attack. An experience I had not had for decades.
But, this time I was in reverse. My mind was so concerned that I had a few days of everything being great, it got spooked that a bad happening was bound to occur based upon my previous few years of life. It went into full negative expectancy and formed a subconscious worse ‘what happens next’.
Because when it’s like that, good is just as often going to set it off as bad.
What we expect, we get.
The mind does not know reality.
It can be easily convinced or fooled into believing that what you think (and then imagine), is 100% true. Through regular repetition it becomes sure and set that the views it holds are absolutely how things are and nothing else.
Examples will be someone who fully believes their partner is cheating on them (when they’re not) will see evidence everywhere. Or an insecure person who becomes certain that all their work colleagues are talking behind their back every day.
When our mind gets locked into a specific belief pattern, it won’t let go.
What we expect, in our minds, we get.
I think we all know this well and have gone through some form of this in our lives. Maybe like me though, you haven’t noticed it creeping back in or starting in the first place. That’s because it’s subtle and in the background. Until a very simple situation triggers it like my high quality night out in Missouri.
If we have it long enough a basic event can trip us up. Even a happy one!
But you may not have got that far yet. It may already be affecting your mindset and you haven’t picked up on it. You feel it’s merely that you are being dragged down by life’s ups and downs. Or you make some excuse why you don’t want to go out with friends anymore or do the activities you used to enjoy.
Well, it’s less ‘you’ and more that negative expectancy has formed in your mind. An expectancy that’s shutting down all the good that is on offer in life to protect you in case things turn out wrong.
So, let me show how to change that round in your favour.
Scale it up not down.
Negative expectancy is an automatic response in silence.
Without realising it becomes our fixed attitude as we don’t challenge it. It simply defaults to it. Let’s see if you have this mental habit.
Think ahead about an event or situation or even how life will turn out in general.. On a scale of one to ten in either direction (feeling great/positive v feeling anxious/negative) on which side would you put your thoughts and what score? You can even be specific to see if it’s a certain subject that floors you. So repeat this exercise about finances, health, relationships, work….anything most people will have in the mind almost daily.
So, how did you score it? Where were you on that negative/positive scale?
If you were brutally honest then you were on the negative side of things with scores 5 plus on that scale.
When you have a negative expectancy set in you will be at least 5 on most, if not all matters, you think about but DEFINITELY if you look at life ahead generally and mark that over 5. Overall thinking that is low or pessimistic or even lapsed into fear develops into a firm negative expectancy. And that mental trait is what is robbing you of joy in life.
Time to reverse it.
Short term super thinking.
You are not going to crack positive future thinking in the short term.
Well, not long term positive expectation. You CAN easily begin to change it in the short term. Like training for a running race and needing to steadily get fit, you can build up your better mental levels.
Begin thinking about an event (a work day you always worry over/always on edge awaiting the credit car bill etc) a week before the date. Start small and simply keep repeating that it’s going to turn out really well. Just that for a few days. Two or three days in continue with that thought (or you can even say it to yourself) but add a couple of images of how it will turn out.
Keep them bright, happy and again short. You want a few seconds of you smiling or laughing or people around you pleased you are there. Again, nothing more.
The day before be brave and ramp it up. Keep the previous two mentioned above but throw in some sounds now (good sounds such as someone saying ‘Yes’ or clapping). Then add them all together in one picture. Finally, on the morning of that day get up and do 10 minutes of this and make it bigger and full of colour in your mind like a huge advert by the highway.
This has to be a regular part of your schedule (like your breakfast or latte from Rockys Coffee Stop). A week of upping the mental expectancy that finishes with a big boom image in your mind. An image that will erode your old negative expectancy until it takes over as the weeks and months pass by. OH YES THIS WORKS!
So, welcome to the good thinking side of life now. You’ve got what you need to walk down a new mental road. A better, more confident road. From one state to another.
A state of positive imagination and mental excitement I expect you will find there.
Photo attributions – free to use under Pixabay Content Licence by Smiln32 and Vilkasss and Nika_Akin.
