Are you aware of the amazing power of questions?
Yep, a question itself to start with. Well, that’s deliberate. Most people only ask questions when they’re incredibly stuck. Usually it’s for directions or someone’s phone number or what a particular shop’s opening times are. But, we generally don’t ask enough of them because we (incorrectly) believe that, if we do, it suggests we are stupid or people will think less of us.
So let me dispel this myth. Those that ask questions are usually numbered in the most shrewd, progressive, sharp, and versatile people on the plant. Questions build knowledge, perspective, understanding, and awareness among others. Without them we own one viewpoint and limited judgement and can be easily influenced or refuse to budge from our fixed position.
The real key to questions is what they lead to. And certainly what they solve.
In certain situations they might seem like they could ever make any difference. But, a good question put the right way can turn things 180 degrees round.
Questions can be life savers.
Chris Voss is a life saver because he uses questions. He uses them calmly and skillfully. And very, very deliberately.
He’s no in depth political interviewer. He’s not an elite level recruiter. Nor is he some Ivy League professor or a veteran counsellor. He was perhaps the world’s no.1 hostage negotiator. The FBI’s finest. And if you were ever unlucky enough to find yourself in such a situation, Chris’s art of questioning probably will have kept you alive and escape unharmed.
Now a best selling author Voss was an experienced police officer in the New York joint terrorism task force who worked his away up to be the FBI’s chief international hostage and kidnapping negotiator. After three decades of high level crime and terrorist situations, dealing with 150 international cases alone, he shared his insights in his worldwide hit book, ‘Never Split the Difference’.
The book featured using a style of questioning that focused on understanding the criminals perspective in their mind, build rapport and elements of respect with them, and ultimately to calm the situation towards a mutually beneficial end point. Effectively he got the terrorists/gangsters/kidnappers to open up and feel heard and validated. His questions led them to reveal their priorities and desired outcomes from the highly charged scenario, but also their personal worries and concerns. Now who had ever done that in such depth before?
All with the power of a) questioning them and b) questioning them in the right way. He moved them from blame and threat upon their life, to collaboration and a kind of alliance. It was brilliant and he alone saved hundreds of people’s lives as a result.
Now do you believe questions aren’t that important?
A life changing question.
I want to share a story with you from my life about how a question changed someone’s life.
About 15 years ago I was working with a large private school specifically with their older pupils on a life enrichment programme. The teacher who was head of year often sat in on our sessions as he was curious and intrigued about my course content. In fact he seemed to turn up for most classes for a good while every week.
Weeks later after the school had wrapped up for the Summer break he called me with a dilemma. He had worked solidly for nearly two decades to reach his position at this high quality establishment. Then, out of the blue, he was offered a role in a more remote part of Africa. This really appealed to him but so did furthering his career aspirations and he was torn on what to do. So, he asked if I could help him at all.
I told him I’d give it some thought (always a good thing) and call him back the next day. That’s exactly what I did and I simply asked him ONE question. Which was,
‘Have you been waiting for this opportunity all your life’?
I told him not to answer me then and there but to give it time to sink in and come back to me. Six days later I heard from him and he was going to Africa. The question had got to the heart of what mattered to him. He went and made a massive success out of it. And even more special – some years later he was able to hand his work over to someone else and he returned to develop his career from where he took off.
One question = one life changing answer.
Start with one.
Maybe you are in the same quandary as well?
Multiple choices or too many woods for the trees to know clearly what decision you should make.
Bring in the power and truth of a question. One question. Practice asking yourself one question at a time and then sit on it and see what stirs in your mind. In no time one particular question will stand out and hit home. One self enquiry will touch base with the absolute answer that will shift the whole darn shebang.
You don’t need to be a skilled negotiator with your own conflict. You just have to ask questions to self understand and unlock the best route forwards based on who you are. That’s how they work. They draw truth out in the form of answers.
The best minds use their minds to ask questions that unlock major doors.
Doors to freedom like Chris Voss’s captives or my teacher friend’s next big move.
Which leaves only one important question to ask,
‘Why aren’t you using questions more to create the freedom you badly need?’.